The Lowly Errand Girl

Alexis trying to beat me with my own book

Meet the AufderHeide Flying Service Errand Girl / my baby sister / genius of the family, Alexis Katherine AufderHeide.  Alexis just completed her freshman year of ridiculously hard classes at the University of Arkansas and is now home for the summer. 

Alexis is mine and Matthew's much younger, *adopted sister.  She is 6 years younger than I am and really likes to play the "baby of the family" card.  She loves to mind her manners and will make you say excuse me if you burp.  She has probably read more books than you have.  She couldn't win a 3rd grade spelling bee, yet she is a mathematical genius.  She majored in engineering but has fallen so in love with numbers she wants to dedicate all her time to them by now becoming an accountant.  She is quirky and somewhat unique; yet, incredibly kind to both friends and strangers and is always thinking how to make someones day better.   She can't carry a tune in a bucket but she is witty and is starting to adopt my sense of humor.  John Wayne is the man of her dreams.  (For real) 

So, what is Alexis actually doing for the summer, you ask?  Well, good question.  I'm not really sure... 

A few months back she received a summons for jury duty, so when she first came home she was telling everyone she had jury duty for the summer.  I had to politely sit her down and explain to her that jury duty wasn't an actual "job" and if in the off chance she actually was called to duty it would probably only pay about $10 a day... She still waiting for the phone to ring.  

Her second "job" after jury duty would, I guess, be that of student.  She has an online World Civ class that she has the entire summer to complete and a basic speech class at the local community college.  Now while, both of these classes could possibly be difficult in their own right, I don't believe they constitute taking up a full summer.  Alexis gave a speech Monday on how to make a watermelon fruit basket.  I mean, come on, this ain't rocket science.  (I say that lovingly because I'm pretty sure she took Intro to Rocket Science this past year.)  She's brilliant and it definitely shouldn't take her all day and night to exam the fall of the Roman Empire or craft a 3 minute informative speech on the the Pythagorean Theorem.  (She LOVES the Pythagorean Theorem and recites it often to annoy me)

So while insisting that she will be called for jury duty any day, demanding time to practice her oratory skills, and my mother being content that Matthew & I are the work horses in the family, the only option left for employment is Errand Girl at AufderHeide Flying Service.  Actually, Errand Girl may even be a glorified title.  I would like to think that someone who obtains this position would be at my beck & call ever instant of the day.  The employee would be in charge of grabbing lunch, picking up parts at the part shop, getting fuel when necessary, running to check if a strip was dry enough, heck, she might even offer the cover the phones for a little bit while I indulge in some much needed R & R.  Ha, yeah, right. 

Alexis likes to sleep in until 10:30ish.  Then she'll spend the next few hours reading, playing on facebook or googling mathematical formulas.  Around lunch time do you think she calls to see if we need dinner or what I would like her to cook for me?  No way, Hosea.  Yesterday, I cooked her lunch and the only errand she performed was dropping off a single letter at the post office. (livin' on Easy Street)  One time I gave her two empty red fuel cans and asked her to go fill them up with gas for the loader truck.  When she got to the gas station she didn't remember if I said gas or diesel so she came back to the airport.  I again told her gas and she was back on her way.  By the second time she arrived she had once again forgotten my orders and came back with one can of diesel and one can of gasoline.  I kid you not!  The girl that likes integrating mathematical formulas for fun can't remember if her mentor told her to purchase gal or diesel!  Geeze.

Also, apparently she thinks that this "Errand Girl" gig and the fact that she worked out here a few days one summer hopping wings has made her an expert in all things crop dusting related.  ("Hopping a wing" is an old school maneuver where workers used to have to assist in packing fertilizer to the front of the airplane hopper by the force of their arm... This technique, like most of the manufacturing industry, has since been replaced by a little machine that does the job for them)  Anywho, in this speech class, Alexis had to write down six topics she would be willing and comfortable to discuss for a 5 minute impromptu speech.  The first subject she listed?... crop dusting!  I got quite tickled when she told me this but she vehemently defended her decision and informed me she knew everything there is to know!  ... Man, I sure hope the teacher picks this topic... And that someone in the room is recording it! 

In all honesty though, the Lowly Errand girl has been quite helpful at times.  She has brought me several Diet Cokes, right before my body lapsed into a coma from lack of caffeine.  She has herded my wild dogs and taken them home with her during extremely busy days around the airport.  She has fulfilled her duties as lunch lady a few times (bringing us lunch, not actually cooking).  She has reminded me on several occasions that it is sometimes best to keep my mouth shut.  She listens to me whine, she tells me funny stories, and makes me laugh every day.  And although she makes for a pretty lousy errand girl, I'm incredibly lucky that she is my sister!

*Side Note*  This post was created after my sneaky little sister stole and beat (yes, beat) me with my new Chelsea Handler book.  Then she hacked into my facebook account and made my status say something like, "I think Alexis AufderHeide is the queen of the world and master of the universe."... Ha! Look who got the last laugh now sissy!

*Alexis is not actually adopted...  She obviously gets her beauty from her sister!